**NEWS FLASH***

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA SOLD TO MEXICO!

In a stunning display of financial acumen, the United States offloaded Southern California to the Mexican government today. After months of undercover negotiations, the final ceremony took place at an agave farm high the hinterlands of Jalisco. The Mexican Deputy Minister of Food Safety and Plumbing Code was on hand to meet with Condaleeza Rice and disgraced republican lobbyist Jack Abramhoff (released for this special occasion) and to present a check.








Things had been going pretty well up until Condi accused Sr. Ramirez of "having a chicken dick" After this setback, the U.S. had to settle for $15.43 for all of Southern California. The people who live there think its a pretty raw deal, but quite frankly the Adminstration thinks its off-loaded a real pain in the ass part of the country. Now Paris Hilton is Mexico's problem, not ours.














Some of the locals were asked to comment on the development. Thad Winters, a 19 year old community college student had this to say: "Whoa! No kidding bro? Like, that's no joke? Right on! That's totally sweet. Can I still wear my douche bag outfit and walk around with an unearned sense of entitlement?" Another brainless Hollywood moron had this to say, "Oh, you mean that country to south were I get my coke?" Attempts were made to locate anyone in the area who had a job of any redeeming quality, but it seems all the teachers and biologists were actually at work, not rambling the streets shopping for fashionable pets.

The following list is graphical representation of just whats so great about GETTING RID OF THIS PLACE:






Okay, so the TMNTs aren't so bad, but the rest of them will be good riddance to bad news. Since southern California is basically a miserably polluted desert, it will be a great fit as the new northern border of of Mexico. We'll keep the valley and water to ourselves, and you SoCal'ers are welcome to move north. Oh, by the way, in exchange for an apology for Speedy Gonzalez, Mexico agreed to let us use Los Angeles as a nuclear test range. Turns out even they think that place is hopeless! ADIOS AMIGOS!